I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
