I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
