i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
