I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
