would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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