Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
