My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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