Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
