I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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