insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
