ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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