hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
