Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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