I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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