Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize