I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
