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• (917): View more from New York City

  Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now

  (917): View more from New York City

  Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I met the friendliest cop last night

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• (707): View more from California

  Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

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• (753): View more from

  He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?

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