There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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