when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
