Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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