he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
