his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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