Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
