It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
