YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
