i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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