apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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