He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize