You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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