good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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