Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
