Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i believe in u and ur pee
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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