my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
