i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
