if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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