i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
