you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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