I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
