I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
