Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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