If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
