my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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