Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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