Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
