3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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