On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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