A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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