I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
