I hate your face
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
