well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
