i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
