Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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