planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
