I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize