capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
