He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
