have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
