ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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