haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
