How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
