Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
