I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
